Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
