Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
