I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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