ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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