Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you had me at cake vodka
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
