eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
