there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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