ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
