white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
