We won't sleep together?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
