You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
