I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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