If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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