So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
