I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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