Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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