Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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