make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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