Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
