Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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