highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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