Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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