Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize