He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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