Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
