You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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