Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
