don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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