Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
