That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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