It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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