batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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