Got a toothbrush?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
