Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize