Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
