so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize