so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
