Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
