My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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