id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont even know how to be here
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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