Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
