I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
