This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
