I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
