Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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