she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
