Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
