well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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