The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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