Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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