Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
