I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
