david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
