How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Boobs speak an international language.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
