I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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