Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
