I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
