Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize