Need sex. Gaining weight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
