How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm passing your future prison.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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