did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
