I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
