I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize