clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
