How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
