Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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