Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Terrible idea I love it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
