So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
