fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
