just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
