I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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