I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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