his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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