im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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