it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
