I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize