Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
