i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
