Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
