Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
