can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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