Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
