I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
