I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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