sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
