Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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