So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
