I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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