butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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