Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
being pregnant is like rehab
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
