Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
