When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
