the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
