Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
honey bunches of taint.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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