If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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