I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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