Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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