Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
whose parrot is this?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
