Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
