the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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