it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
