I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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