i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
