another moral hangover. fuck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
