so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost the right to judge tonight
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize