dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
