Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
too bad you live with your parents still
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
